Why Nobody Likes to Call Themselves an Expert ( How Im Getting Over It) - When I Grow Up

Why Nobody Likes to Call Themselves an Expert ( How Im Getting Over It) - When I Grow Up This past Saturday, I participated in A Day of Nothing, led by my friend (and future coach yes, shes that good in the empowerment/self-care/mindfulness realm)  Kylie Bellard. It scared the pants off of me and excited me at the same time, which anyone who hangs around these parts knows thats the combo Im always looking for. I resisted and resisted until the very last day of sign-up, where I had to face the fact that I wanted nay, needed! to put my work on hold and give myself this scary/exciting day. Ya see, for as long as I can remember, my Underlying Automatic Commitment (which is a fancy coaching term for our long-standing beliefs) has been that Busy = Successful. I feel powerful when I can answer, Hows the business going? with So great! I have so much going on a waitlist for coaching clients, a book deal, a new programI can barely come up for air! Coming out of my mouth, its strength and control and success. In my body and my head, its overwhelm and disconnection and scattered-ness. And while I know intellectually that its no longer what I want for myself, my actions and habits dont match this need that I feel to Really Change. Because of the space I had for my Day of Nothing and the boundaries I set for it (No email or social media + Anything I did that day had to be rooted in self-care + No planning), I got hit on the head with a great big realization:  Since I started this business, Ive been led. Of course, thats not entirely true.I mean, obviously Ive been in the leader in a lot of ways, but ultimately Ive been so focused on making this business work that Ive really only delivered what Ive been asked to. All those Press opportunities that are on my  About Me page? I can think of maybe 3 that I pitched, and the rest, well, came to me as I “simply” did my work and showed up. The 3 different group sessions that I run twice a year? One for those who dont know what they wanna be when they grow up, the other for those who do know but need help on the How, and the last for those who are doing it but its not quite working? I created that when I figured out (in 2009, thanks to my first scholarship) those were the 3 reasons people came to work with me (or wanted to work with me)and I scrambled to fill that need.  The Declaration of You came from an email from Jess asking if Id wanna work on something together. Now, do not get me wrong. I was thinking the same thing about working with Jess, and she just happened to email me first. Weve had a blast ever since we started brainstorming what we wanted to work on (back in 2010! or was it 2009?), and the fact that The Declaration of You will be a real book this summer is beyond my wildest dreams. Ive loooooved working with every single one of my group coaching clients (really that is not an overstatement), and I wouldnt want to not work with any of those groups in the future (which ultimately makes me wanna be all-things-to-all-creatives-going-through-all-phases-of-career-transitions). The work that Ive (co-)created and the people that work alongside me my collaborators, my partners, my clients, my contractors make me continually pinch myself. But what I realized, thanks to my Day of Nothing? Ive been hiding. Like every single person Ive ever spoken to, the idea of establishing myself as An Expert makes me wanna throw up. So, Ive shrunk away from it. Oh sure, I can share my experiences and I have things to say, but Im a coach I dont wanna give advice or tell anyone what to do. Who am I to put myself in that spotlight? To step into that role? That belief has allowed me to just say Yes to things that interest/excite me that have been presented to me, to not make deliberate choices of what I feel is important to share and relay and preach”. After almost 3 years of being The When I Grow Up Coach full-time (and almost 5 years being in business), Im ready to stake my claim. To share what Ive gone through, to voice my opinion, to allow myself to believe that itll resonate with my tribe and will allow them to take their own action, find their own truth, steer their own ship.   And I wont call it being an expert, because that still makes me wanna throw up. Instead, for me, its about inspiring. About connecting. About promoting optimism and forward movement and action. About making the belief that You Can Do What You Love As A Full-Fledged Grown-up one that actually appears doable to all of the creative souls out there who know what they need, but not what it looks like or how it can actually happen. The silliest part? I live for the spotlight, the applause, the accolades. Although I yearn for it, I thought it was something to be ashamed of not a worthy enough “value” for me, not in alignment with being a coach and serving others. But I think back on my days as a performer and, well, applause and laughter and accolades were the only currency I cared about. It still holds true for me, and I won’t disown it any longer. What message do you want to share? What beliefs do  you want to instill in yourself and others? What do  you want to be known for? (And if you’re unsure, that’s OK.we all need time to figure it out. It’s taken me 5 years to articulate it in this way) I’ll be sharing more of my own message and ideas in the next few weeks (and months and years, knowing me), but until thenthe comments are yours. We can stake our claim together. -